Funny quotes & Funny Quotations ... The Best of the Web , enjoy !!!
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
More funny quotes .........
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
--------Michael L.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
---------Wendell Johnson
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
--------Weinberg
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
--------F Lebowitz
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
--------Robert Frost
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
--------Franklin P. Jones
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
-------Jean Cocturan
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
------Jerry Seinfeld
